There was no grand plan for my decade of singleness. At first, it wasn’t by choice; it was a reflection of the insecurities that ran deep in me. Growing up in a household where we weren’t empowered, I was told I wasn’t pretty, that without makeup, I had no value. That negativity lingered, shaping how I saw myself. I grew up thinking I was just “whatever,” not believing in my own beauty or self-worth.

As I entered the dating world, my insecurities kept me from truly connecting. I didn’t take relationships seriously, not because I didn’t want to, but because I struggled to see myself as worthy of being someone’s “girlfriend.” I dated many men over the years, and by dating, I mean just that—I went on dates. I maintained a high standard of respect for myself and didn’t engage beyond the dates themselves. If a man showed red flags, I’d end things immediately. My standards were high, but this was a reflection of what I felt I deserved, even if I didn’t always see my own worth.

My journey through dating gave me insights into the kind of partner I wanted. I dated men from all walks of life—from office workers to millionaires. Some lavished me with gifts, took me on trips, or paid for extravagant dinners. And yet, none of them felt like “the one.” Through all of these experiences, I came to understand my standards and what I valued in a true partner.

But while these dates shaped my vision of true love, they also left me feeling deeply lonely. Over the years, I watched friends find partners, experience relationships, and settle down. Many didn’t share my values or standards, and it sometimes hurt to see them in relationships while I remained alone. I often wondered what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t find someone who understood me and shared my values. But deep down, I knew my standards weren’t the problem. They were my guideposts, reminders of the kind of love I wanted and deserved.

After nearly 10 years of waiting, in early 2017, I felt ready. I remember getting on my knees and praying. I asked God, if I were worthy of a man’s love, to send me someone who could love me the way He loves me—patiently, deeply, and unconditionally. Seven months later, I met the man who would become my husband.

Looking back, I see that my time alone wasn’t wasted. I thought those years were about learning what I wanted in a partner, but they were really about learning who I was as a woman. We often don’t know exactly what we want, but we learn through experience what we don’t want. Those 10 years were a journey of self-discovery, of finding my worth and understanding my own heart. In the end, waiting wasn’t a sacrifice; it was the path I needed to become the woman I was meant to be.

Closing Message:

If you’re in a season of singleness, embrace it. Take this time to explore yourself, to learn your worth, and to trust that the right love will come at the right time. True love begins with self-love, and sometimes, the journey is about preparing our hearts, minds, and spirits for the partner we’re destined to meet.